Wow...

Have you ever sat through a sermon and felt as if the pastor was talking directly to you even though you were in a room full of people?? That happened to me today. Mom and I went to Camden United Methodist Church this morning. The pastor there (Fred Schmidt) has been a wonderful family friend for a long time. (For those of you who were there, he was one of the pastors that did Grandma Lackey's funeral.) His sermon was on doubt. Thoughout the sermon, I kept thinking about all the doubt I have had this past year. I was so ashamed of myself because I wanted to turn all of my infertility struggles over to God, but just couldn't seem to. When I was down and depressed, I was told to have faith and not doubt God. In my heart, I knew that God wouldn't leave me and that no matter what, He was by my side walking with me though it all. Yet, I had doubt. I stopped talking to God about it because I felt like it did no good. Don't get me wrong, I would pray, but I gave up praying about our infertility. I would just leave it out. I was mad because I felt like He wasn't listening. I became more angry when I would hear about children who had been abused or killed. And even in the times when I wasn't angry at Him, I was too ashamed to ask Him to forgive me. At the end of today's sermon, Pastor Fred said that what he wanted us to know is this: It's okay to doubt. It's okay if you seek answers to your doubt. It's not okay to become cynical and just continue to doubt. IT IS BETTER TO STRUGGLE WITH GOD THAN TO NOT TALK TO HIM AT ALL.

I thought I would share this in case someone out there is struggling and needed to hear it! I sure did.