The Check Is In The Mail

haha... This time, I really mean it! :-) Nick mailed our application and check this morning! Rima emailed me yesterday and told me she'd call as soon as she reviewed it. Hopefully, that will be sometime next week.

Nick and I are going to take advantage of the 3 day weekend to get things organized and figure out how we are going to gather all the documents we need. We're also heading north to Uncle Steve and Aunt Brenda's for a picnic! Aunt Marilyn is here from Texas and we can't wait to see her and everyone else!

Have a great holiday weekend!

Application Finished!!

We acheived one of my goals from yesterday... we finished the application. We are mailing it first thing tomorrow morning. I'll let you know when we hear something from Rima!! :-)

Working on the application

Not much to update. We are still working on the application. Unfortunately, we just haven't had a chance to sit down and fill it out together. My goal is to complete it tonight and get it in the mail tomorrow!

And we are off...

Nick and I have decided to do the training and homestudy with A Center for Homestudies and Placement Services. They are less expensive and can do it much quicker than our other options. We haven't made a concrete decision on who we are going to "wait" with, but it could possibly be both agencies we met with.

I contacted the director (Rima) at A Center for Homestudies and Placement Services and she told me that we just needed to send in our application and fee. She said she'd contact us when she approved us but that she didn't see any reason not to approve us! So that's our next step.. getting the application filled out and to begin gathering all the paperwork. Rima seemed to think that we could have the whole homestudy process (including training) done in a little over a month. Who knows, maybe we'll be a waiting family by mid-October!

Decisions, decisions

Nick and I had our second agency meeting yesterday afternoon. This one was with Adoption Connections in Blue Ash. They are part of the Jewish Family Services. We met with the agency director, Sara. She was really nice and VERY knowledgable. While most of the steps are the same, their fees and timeframes are a little different. They require $250 in order to submit your application. After you are approved, you begin submitting a lot of the paperwork (most of it is the same as the other agency since it's Ohio requirements). Then you wait for the classes/training to start. Unfortunately, they just started a new class last week so we'd have to wait for another one. She said someone just asked the other day when the next one would start and she said "probably April or May"!! She said but they might have one in January. (Which is still too long for us to wait.) After the classes, they do the homestudy interviews. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the fees. At the first training class, you pay $625 and at the first homestudy visit you pay another $625. So in total, for the application and homestudy, they charge $1500. After the homestudy is complete, you are then a "waiting family." Due to our adjusted gross income from last year, our placement fee is $10,000. At the time you begin the waiting family, you pay 2/3 of that ($6,667). The rest is due after the baby is placed. The really nice thing about Adoption Connection is that you can pay the 2/3 of the placement fee over 12 months. Sara told us that the waiting time right now is about 14-18 months. Of course, the waiting time is different for everyone since the birthmom/birth family picks the adoptive family. So if you are picked the first time a birthmom sees your profile, it could be a really short waiting period. She said thefamily who has currently was been waiting the longest, just hit their 2 year mark. However, she said that if we are willing to accept any race (which we are), the wait could be much shorter. She said they have placed two African-American babies this year. One family was only a waiting family for 3 days and the other family was a waiting family for 1 year.

We learned a very interesting fact yesterday... The adoptive parents cannot take the baby home until the birthmom has terminated her rights. In Ohio, the birth mom cannot terminate her rights for 72 hours. Which means that if the hospital won't keep the baby (and she said that it's getting harder and harder to convince hospitals to let them stay), the baby will go into foster care until the rights have been terminated. Adoption Connections uses two families as foster families. Both are only authorized to foster, not adopt. She said the family they use most often has fostered over 40 babies for them. We would be able to see the baby if that was the case. There is a fee of $16/day that the baby is in foster. She said most only stay a day or so, but if the father is not available to terminate his rights, it could be much longer. (I'll have to wait until another post to write about all the possiblities about the father's rights... it's long!!)

I was hoping we would come away from the two agencies and either know that we needed to talk to more agencies or be able to pick one. But of course, is it ever that easy?!?! haha We both really like both agencies and they both have their pros/cons. We talked about it some over dinner last night but then Nick had to leave as he was volunteering at the Cincinnati Observatory last night. We are going to visit Nick's mom and dad today/tomorrow so we'll have lots of driving time to talk! :-) We do have lots of options because both agencies are very willing to be hired to do different parts. For example, we could do training/homestudy with one and then be a "waiting family" with another. Or we can be a "waiting family" with both. We have decided one thing, we are ready to get started! We plan to start making a list of everything we need and divide it up!

Well, it's time to get ready so we can go see Nick's family. We won't be back until tomorrow evening. Have a great weekend!!

Our first agency

Nick and I had our first appointment and I am so glad it's over!! I was so nervous about going! We met with the director Rima. She is very nice and seems to be a very kind and sweet person. Nick and I really like her. Her process is the same as most agencies. You fill out an application and send it in along with the application fee ($50) and the homestudy fee ($1000). After you are accepted, you begin the Ohio-required 24 hours of training. Rima does the training and it's free if she does your homestudy. After the training is over, the fun part (haha) begins... the homestudy. The homestudy is when she or another assessor comes to the house and makes sure we have room for a child and that our house is safe. The homestudy also includes gathering a million documents as well as writing autobiographies and putting together a profile. She seems to believe that this should take less than 2 months. After our homestudy and profile is complete, she sends out our profile to different agencies that place infants. Once we are matched with a birthmom (or in some cases, after the baby is placed in our care), we would pay that agency's placement fee (typically between $10,000-20,000.) Rima doesn't charge any placement fees on top of that. After the baby is in our care, the state of Ohio requires post-placement visits until finalization, which is approximately 6 months after the baby is placed. Rima's fees for post placement visits is $150/visit and she said they usually have to visit 7-8 times. There is also a $250 pre-finalization cost that, I believe, covers Rima filing court paper work. We would also have to hire an attorney to finish the finalization process. I'm not sure how much that is, but I'll be calling around soon to find out! We asked Rima how long most placements take and she said any where from 1 to 18 months after the homestudy is completed and submitted to various agencies. However, she said since we are willing to accept any race, that it increases the number of places that she will send our homestudy/profile. She gave us information on an agency out of Oregon that places African-American, Hispanic and biracial children. On their information packet, it says the waiting time is approximately 6 months after homestudy approval.

One of our biggest concerns (as I'm sure with all adoptive parents) is actually getting matched and having the birthmom change her mind. In most domestic infant adoptions, the birthmom gets to pick the adoptive parents. Some agencies allows the birthmom to pick a certain number of families and then "interview" them. She can pick one, but also has the opportunity to change her mind about which family later. In other agencies, the birthmom is given profiles that match her preferences and she picks one family from the ones she's given. Rima told us that a little less than 50% of birthmoms change their minds about placing the baby for adoption at all!! I was shocked when she said that. I knew that some did, but I had no idea that the percentage was so high!

I'm sure there is more that I learned and that I'm just forgetting. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask. I don't mind telling others what I've learned!

Tomorrow we are going to Adoption Connection in Blue Ash. I'll let you know how it goes! :-)

Oh my gosh...

Could this day move any slower??? I am so nervous about our meeting tonight. I came into work early so I wouldn't have to use vacation hours and the time is crawling by! Nick and I drove to find the place last night. It's in Mason off Fields Ertel Rd. We are meeting at a Steak n Shake near there and driving the rest of the way together. It might be a little late before I can post what happened. I have an appointment with Augie (my personal trainer) at 7:00 so I'll update as soon as I get home from that!

Wish us luck!

Not forgetting to update...

Just nothing new to report. Our first appointment is tomorrow afternoon at 4:00. I'm sure I'll have lots to write then. I've been reading The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child by Laura Beauvais-Godwin and Raymond Godwin. It's a very long book but it's very informative! It's also a great resource for us to know what questions we should ask. Right now, our two biggest questions are: What is the timeframe for the whole process and what are all the fees/when are they due? I think our decision to adopt a baby of any race will help speed up our placement timeframe... at least I'm hoping. We are really hoping that we will have a baby sometime in the next 9-12 months! I guess we will see how realistic that is tomorrow!

I also started my class last night at NKU. I'm taking an accounting class. (Actually, it's a little funny that I've worked in the accounting department at NKU for over a year now and I'm just taking my first accounting class.) It's definitely not an exciting class, but it'll be nice to have something other than baby-related things to think about!

I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how our first meeting went!!

Wow...

Have you ever sat through a sermon and felt as if the pastor was talking directly to you even though you were in a room full of people?? That happened to me today. Mom and I went to Camden United Methodist Church this morning. The pastor there (Fred Schmidt) has been a wonderful family friend for a long time. (For those of you who were there, he was one of the pastors that did Grandma Lackey's funeral.) His sermon was on doubt. Thoughout the sermon, I kept thinking about all the doubt I have had this past year. I was so ashamed of myself because I wanted to turn all of my infertility struggles over to God, but just couldn't seem to. When I was down and depressed, I was told to have faith and not doubt God. In my heart, I knew that God wouldn't leave me and that no matter what, He was by my side walking with me though it all. Yet, I had doubt. I stopped talking to God about it because I felt like it did no good. Don't get me wrong, I would pray, but I gave up praying about our infertility. I would just leave it out. I was mad because I felt like He wasn't listening. I became more angry when I would hear about children who had been abused or killed. And even in the times when I wasn't angry at Him, I was too ashamed to ask Him to forgive me. At the end of today's sermon, Pastor Fred said that what he wanted us to know is this: It's okay to doubt. It's okay if you seek answers to your doubt. It's not okay to become cynical and just continue to doubt. IT IS BETTER TO STRUGGLE WITH GOD THAN TO NOT TALK TO HIM AT ALL.

I thought I would share this in case someone out there is struggling and needed to hear it! I sure did.

2nd appointment set up

The lady at Adoption Connection emailed me back. We will be meeting with her next Friday at 4:00.

It's really happening!

Well, I thought our first appointment would be next Friday, but I was wrong. Our first appointment is going to be on Thursday at 4:00!! It's with an agency called A Center for Home Studies and Placement Services. Their website is www.adoptionohio.org. I talked to the lady there this morning and she was really nice.

I'm still waiting for Adoption Connection (www.adoptioncincinnati.org) to get back with me on a time for Friday. I called them this morning and the lady I need to talk with has been in training. I'm sure she'll email or call me soon!

From the beginning...

I won't go all the way to the beginning of me and Nick because I don't want to bore you before you even begin reading! :-) I'll just start from when we got married... June 11, 2005. Nick and I knew we wanted to have children although we disagreed on how many and when. I wanted 4 and wanted to start as soon as we were married. Nick thought 3 would be plenty and wanted to wait a year until we started trying. So initially we agreed to wait a year. About 6 months later (helped along by me constantly talking about expanding our family), Nick agreed to start trying. That was in late November 2005. I won't go into all the gory details (although I am more than willing to share my experiences with anyone who asks!) but here is a short synopsis: I saw a doctor in Lexington in May 2006 and she thought since I had already been diagnosed with PCO (Polycystic Ovaries) and wasn't having a regular cycles, we should start fertility treatments. However, before we even had a chance to begin them, we thought we were going to have to move to Washington D.C. We decided to hold off because we weren't sure we'd be able to afford a child or afford to continue fertility treatments in D.C. In June, we found out we were moving to Ohio instead and decided to hold off again and just wait until we moved to start. In early Sept, our insurance finally kicked in and I made an appointment. I tried the fertility drug Clomid for 3 cycles but no luck. Then I did 3 cycles of Clomid + IUI. Again, nothing. My doctor suggested that he do a laproscopic surgery to make sure my tubes were clear and to do zonal drilling (This is also called ovarian drilling.. and yes, they drilled holes in my ovaries!!). So on April 25, I had the surgery and the reports came back great. No blockages and everything looked good. After another negative cycle with Clomid + IUI, I was ready to move on. My doctor referred me to a specialist and Nick and I had an appointment with him. However, an ultrasound showed I had a large cyst on my ovary so I had to go on birth control pills to shrink it. I was devasted. To most people, one month seems like a very short time. To someone who wants nothing more than to conceive a child.. it seems like a lifetime. On August 6th, 2007, I had to call the doctor because my cycle was not starting like it should. I was told to take a pregnancy test and call them the next morning. In my head, I knew what the test would say. I knew that I had been on birth control so there was very little chance that I could be pregnant. I knew that I had no symptoms and that this had happened before and I wasn't pregnant. But my heart just wouldn't seem to listen. I told myself it would be negative the night before, when I woke up and while I was waiting for the test to register. But it still broke my heart when I saw that there was only one line instead of the two.

Throughout all of our fertility treatments, Nick and I discussed adoption. As time marched on, we talked about it more and more because the treatments weren't working. From the time I was referred to my specialist, I was ready to stop the treatments altogether. I was done. I was tired of appointments, ultrasounds, bloodwork, medicines, side effects, having Nick give me shots, the IUIs, the bills because insurance wouldn't cover anything, etc. But I knew that I wasn't the only person involved and Nick wasn't ready to stop trying. On the morning of that pregnancy test, I came out of the bathroom crying and Nick asked what was wrong. I told him and he asked me if I was ready to look more seriously into adoption. When I said yes, he said he was too. We decided to give the medicines one more try. However, my body just wouldn't cooperate and a week later, on Aug 14th, we decided to stop all treatments. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling. I started crying when we made the decision, but it was only partially out of sadness. It was also out of relief. I swear, even my body knew I was done. The day after we made that decision, my cycle started. How's that for timing!

The next day, I began doing research and calling/emailing agencies. There are so many decisions to make that it's overwhelming! We are receiving packets almost daily and we have our first agency appointment next Friday.

So that's where we are. We have decided to adopt. Let this new journey begin...

Just getting started

I was reading a message board today and it suggested that I start a blog starting on the day that we decided to adopt. Because we've already made that decision, I'm a few days behind... but then again, what's new?!? :-) I'm going to write down everything I can remember very soon, but I did want to start writing down dates.

the day we decided to try one more fertility cycle and then adopt: Tuesday, August 7, 2007
day we started contacting agencies: Wednesday, August 8, 2007
day we received our first packet of information: Monday, August 13, 2007
day we decided to stop all fertility treatments and move forward with adoption: Tuesday, August 14, 2007
day we set up first appointment with an agency: Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I'll be back to explain more details later, but it's getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow for work.