From the beginning...

I won't go all the way to the beginning of me and Nick because I don't want to bore you before you even begin reading! :-) I'll just start from when we got married... June 11, 2005. Nick and I knew we wanted to have children although we disagreed on how many and when. I wanted 4 and wanted to start as soon as we were married. Nick thought 3 would be plenty and wanted to wait a year until we started trying. So initially we agreed to wait a year. About 6 months later (helped along by me constantly talking about expanding our family), Nick agreed to start trying. That was in late November 2005. I won't go into all the gory details (although I am more than willing to share my experiences with anyone who asks!) but here is a short synopsis: I saw a doctor in Lexington in May 2006 and she thought since I had already been diagnosed with PCO (Polycystic Ovaries) and wasn't having a regular cycles, we should start fertility treatments. However, before we even had a chance to begin them, we thought we were going to have to move to Washington D.C. We decided to hold off because we weren't sure we'd be able to afford a child or afford to continue fertility treatments in D.C. In June, we found out we were moving to Ohio instead and decided to hold off again and just wait until we moved to start. In early Sept, our insurance finally kicked in and I made an appointment. I tried the fertility drug Clomid for 3 cycles but no luck. Then I did 3 cycles of Clomid + IUI. Again, nothing. My doctor suggested that he do a laproscopic surgery to make sure my tubes were clear and to do zonal drilling (This is also called ovarian drilling.. and yes, they drilled holes in my ovaries!!). So on April 25, I had the surgery and the reports came back great. No blockages and everything looked good. After another negative cycle with Clomid + IUI, I was ready to move on. My doctor referred me to a specialist and Nick and I had an appointment with him. However, an ultrasound showed I had a large cyst on my ovary so I had to go on birth control pills to shrink it. I was devasted. To most people, one month seems like a very short time. To someone who wants nothing more than to conceive a child.. it seems like a lifetime. On August 6th, 2007, I had to call the doctor because my cycle was not starting like it should. I was told to take a pregnancy test and call them the next morning. In my head, I knew what the test would say. I knew that I had been on birth control so there was very little chance that I could be pregnant. I knew that I had no symptoms and that this had happened before and I wasn't pregnant. But my heart just wouldn't seem to listen. I told myself it would be negative the night before, when I woke up and while I was waiting for the test to register. But it still broke my heart when I saw that there was only one line instead of the two.

Throughout all of our fertility treatments, Nick and I discussed adoption. As time marched on, we talked about it more and more because the treatments weren't working. From the time I was referred to my specialist, I was ready to stop the treatments altogether. I was done. I was tired of appointments, ultrasounds, bloodwork, medicines, side effects, having Nick give me shots, the IUIs, the bills because insurance wouldn't cover anything, etc. But I knew that I wasn't the only person involved and Nick wasn't ready to stop trying. On the morning of that pregnancy test, I came out of the bathroom crying and Nick asked what was wrong. I told him and he asked me if I was ready to look more seriously into adoption. When I said yes, he said he was too. We decided to give the medicines one more try. However, my body just wouldn't cooperate and a week later, on Aug 14th, we decided to stop all treatments. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling. I started crying when we made the decision, but it was only partially out of sadness. It was also out of relief. I swear, even my body knew I was done. The day after we made that decision, my cycle started. How's that for timing!

The next day, I began doing research and calling/emailing agencies. There are so many decisions to make that it's overwhelming! We are receiving packets almost daily and we have our first agency appointment next Friday.

So that's where we are. We have decided to adopt. Let this new journey begin...